My love for you is shaped like a left foot. And if you pulled my love out of your ass you’d know that.

“Everywhere I go I'm too focused on everyone else to realize that they are too f…”

“If love played an instrument, I’ll bet it would be the piano. 88 keys, double i…”

“On TV, I can hit the mute button and silence any moron. I wish real life came w…”

“A brick could be used like ice cream. But hold up, hold up. Let me put a bowl u…”