My mouth is often wounded by my sharp words, so sometimes when I’m out in public, I’ll wear a large Band Aid over my lips.

“You have to slow down with this woman, because the moment she slows down and st…”

“I took my shoes for a walk. They’re furry and they bark.”

“I’m strapped for cash, and I’m also strapped to a chair in someone’s basement.”

“Take me to Happy Birthday Land. It’s open 364 days of the year, and the one day…”