My name is Couch Choochoo, and I’m here to train you.

“Sometimes I’ll read a book and feel it was written just for me. Then I’ll flip …”

“A blanket could be used to save your marriage. But to be honest, I’d recommend …”

“If you’re hungry, eat one of my new starvation pills. They taste like silence.
”

“I’ll trade my formal neckwear for your love, if your love has an equal or great…”