My new employer made me get a drug test, so I ripped off my shirt, flexed my muscles, and said, “You suspect me of taking steroids, don’t you?

“I don’t quite know how to respond to people who say that I dance like my genita…”

“Every time I see my cat licking its asshole I think about my ex wife. But that’…”

“When you are the designated buyer, ask for more money than the item costs, so w…”

“I’m not interested in driving a racecar, but I would love to cruise around in a…”