My next breath may very well be in your lungs. Store it wisely, because my life depends on it.


“I called the police to report my missing mustache, but they didn’t take me seri…”

“I’ve always felt that the best place to hide a body is in the trunk of a cop ca…”

“A blanket isn’t the solution, a blanket is the problem. I say we burn all the b…”

“To me, beer tastes like piss. Maybe that's why I only enjoy it in the shower wi…”