My niece just turned one. I gave her a birthday card that read, "If you can read this, Happy Birthday!

“If someone invited you to a flash mob, would you wear a bra?”

“Poor Chad. Not the country, but the guy. Oh, and the country’s poor too. I feel…”

“I need to drain the thermodynamic fluid from my bathos tub.”

“My wallet was empty after the charity auction. Of course, my wallet was empty b…”