My penis burns. I guess I should stop trying to put out forest fires with it.

“Toothpaste pie is no substitute for swishing around minty-fresh love in your mo…”

“I carry a shower curtain folded up neatly in my wallet, because you never know …”

“A brick is a duplicate. It is a physical copy of the idea for a brick. And what…”

“One thought I think every person eventually thinks is, “Holy shit, I’m going to…”