My two parents represent the single greatest influence on my life. And if my dad had been there for me, it would be the double greatest influence on my life.

“An empty bag of chips would make a great sleeping bag, if it were larger. Or if…”

“The French aren’t birthed; they’re hatched out of eggs. That’s why they make th…”

“If love fell in love with another word, do you think that word would smell, tas…”

“I’m so old school I’m like a one-room schoolhouse—with no bathroom. I always ke…”