My wife and I aren’t a match. We’re a match and gasoline.

“If you want walking dolphins and talking sandwiches, you’re lucky to have me bu…”

“I’d paint with a beard if I could grow out of my abstract expressionist phase.”

“I have a container full of yelling I keep in my kitchen. It makes a great clean…”

“The best description of this book is found within the title. The full title of …”