My wife and I will probably have lots of kids. Just not with each other.

“The proof is in the putting. But it’s sexier to be taking off (just don’t take …”

“Dinner is served. It’s chicken lo mein. Oh and by the way, your cat is missing.”

“I hope you enjoy reading my book as much as I didn’t enjoy writing it. Just kid…”

“A brick could be used to wash your hands. And after that, I’d suggest you wash …”