Not getting laid can be a crippling experience, but then I don't go looking for sex along the interstate.

“I told the waitress I wanted some coffee. She asked if I wanted leaded of unlea…”

“Gin is a confusing drink. It’s the only liquid that’s both wet and dry.”

“I’d like to spend money on a wallet, but if I spent money on a wallet, I’d have…”

“When I got married, I could not have chosen a more gorgeous, loving, or perfect…”