Not only am I not my dad’s favorite child—I’m his only child.

“Men are the fleas in the gray beard of God, and I’m just itching to meet Him.”

“A blanket could be used to keep your body warm. After all, your body starts coo…”

“If I were a robot, and I got cheated on with a vacuum cleaner, I’d question my …”

“I am going to think of you every time I don't have sex. So that'll mean I'll al…”