Not only did I lie about lying, but I lied about lying about lying. And you’d better believe that’s the truth.

“Most people wear mind blindfolds. I think that’s stupid. I wear blindfolds over…”

“I would have made you a cheesecake, but I don’t know how. And I would have boug…”

“I managed to beat Michael Phelps’ 400 meter IM time. And not only did I beat hi…”

“You’re as likely to see me sleeping on the job as a snooze is liable to grow le…”