Of all the ways to murder someone, slowly, over the course of about 75 years or so, is the best way to not get caught. Nobody, not even Sherlock Holmes, would suspect a thing.

“If you’re a cannibal, an Olympic sprinter would be considered fast food.”

“He attacked me, so I had to slit his throat with a steak knife. But not before …”

“I don’t eat food with silverware—I use sponges. I always clean my plate.”

“Of course, if I had misbehaved that day, my dinner was a salad made entirely ou…”