On cloudy days I just want to raise my arm up, stand on my toes, and screw a light bulb into the sky. Don’t worry, my light bulb is energy efficient—it runs on solar power.

“Blankets could be used to keep politicians warm, when we kick them all to the s…”

“Like a midget, I walk tall and proud.”

“I’m glad scrambled eggs don’t have lips, because when I’m grinning over a heart…”

“When everything is working out for you, it means you are in the wrong gym.”