On my wedding night, I want to make slow, passionate rush hour to my wife at well over three miles an hour.

“My workout partner is a cat. We nap together. He spots me a place, and keeps it…”

“I remember in elementary school, Mother used to write my name on every single p…”

“I watch silent movies on mute. But only for the dialogue.”

“I keep odd hours. I keep them stuffed under my mattress.”