On our first date, you should wear a maternity dress, because I’m going to try to impregnate you.

“I gathered all my eggs in one basket, because I believe in collectivism, and I …”

“I want to write the world’s worst cookbook, which I’ll title: “The World’s Wors…”

“I didn’t have time to grow out a mustache, so I wore a squirrel to the party. W…”

“I didn't have romantic feelings for her, but my penis did. So what else could I…”