On the subject of how to make friends, I would give you some tips, but I just don’t have any. Oh, I have plenty of tips, but I don’t have any friends.

“I don’t think that taking off my eye patch would increase my night vision by 10…”

“I meant to spear her with my love, but bad breath got in the way. Next time I’l…”

“I talked to a calzone for fifteen minutes last night before I realized it was j…”

“I’m too impatient to be impatient, as impatience often wastes time through repe…”