Panic juice—try not to choke while chugging it.

“I got my windshield replaced for no apparent reason. So now I have a new windsh…”

“If a hooker asked me my name, I’d say John.”

“Too bad Americans can’t export Awesome, because I have boxes and boxes of the s…”

“To forgive is Godly. To begrudge is manly. I don’t even have any chest hair, so…”