People will listen to you only when they know you're dying, otherwise they're just waiting for their turn to talk.

“My mom says, "Do you know what the AIDS memorial quilt is all about?"Jump to ho…”

“If you're ever in a big hotel lobby, and they start to play "The Blue Danube Wa…”

“Look at your fingers, how the first joint is longer than the second is longer t…”

“A couple drinks. A couple aspirin. Repeat.”