Right now I’m naked, like how my pizza comes out of the oven. I like my toppings like I like my women: topless. I love me some pepperoni.

“Call me paranoid, but the shape the human hand makes when extending out for a h…”

“My facial features smell as rugged as a rose looks. Isn’t my nose the most roma…”

“With my big 80s hair, my cut off jean shorts, and my roller skates, I’m going t…”

“I’m world famous. Throughout the globe—north, south, east, and west—there are l…”