Roses may say “I love you,” but the cactus says “Fuck off.

“Love is 90% what life is about, plus or minus 10%. Of course, I just made both …”

“I want a beard as white as snow, and two feet deep.”

“Pillow talk always puts me to sleep. I’d rather chat about bed sheets, which ca…”

“Does my face not look hungry? My mouth is the path and mouthpiece to my stomach…”