Selling flesh-tearing torture devices for more than $55,555 dollars, now that’s what I call a rip off. That’s why I’ll limit myself to only selling 22.

“My watch has two hands. So do I. I’d better watch my watch to see if it also ma…”

“I bought my groceries and they included free bags!”

“I said if I get her pregnant, I’d get to name our kid. She asked what I’d call …”

“I carry all of my childhood memories in my mind. But maybe that’s not the best …”