She loves me. She must, because she left flowers in the fridge from her date. She knows how I love flower salad.

“My OCD governs my actions like a governor, but I didn’t vote for it. No, I vote…”

“Sunburns are so embarrassing that they always make me blush all over.”

“My wife and I make love every night, sometimes even to each other.”

“They should make bubblegum that tastes like mashed potatoes. You know, for love…”