She said “I love you,” and I said the only thing I could say: “How about every other Tuesday?

“I cut an inch off of every straw I see, just to make the world suck a little le…”

“Do either a brick or a blanket have Buddha nature? The answer is yes and no and…”

“I like sauce in my cereal. But not just any sauce, it has to be a cream sauce, …”

“My shadow’s so substantial that it has its own shadow. It isn’t as tall, but th…”