She was in Tennessee, and I was in Florida, and she said, “You’re too far away!” And I said, “I know. My penis is long, but it’s not that long.

“I find it hard to fold clothes. Especially if I’m wearing them.”

“I once said, “You put what you get, and you get what you put.” Now I’d like to …”

“A brick could be used to teach men how to dance, by learning balance. But a bla…”

“She’s not a pothead. That thing on her neck is a vase. And anyway, I’m all for …”