So that was how I spent nine months of my life. I felt like I was pregnant, except instead of giving life, I was wasting mine.

“I put the “sing” in single. But only when I’m in the shower.”

“I think Gummy Bears should be the universal symbol for peace, because peace lea…”

“Flower coffee—less caffeinated, more romantic. I wanted to be with her, but whe…”

“In a blind taste-test, my kisses were rated as Helen Kelleresque. Women love ho…”