Some people say I look like my mom, while others say I look more like my dad. I guess it all depends on what I’m wearing.

“Our romance lasted a few months. I was so deflated the day I lost my air pump a…”

“I can tell time, but I can’t tell time to stop or fuck off.”

“I went on a road trip with my cat, Cap’n. I would have let him drive, but he wa…”

“Do they make chin straps with knives attached? If they do, I need one. You can …”