Some people say—not to my face, mind you—that I’m a cowardly son of a bitch. And that is simply not true. My mom is not a bitch.

“She had blonde hair like spaghetti noodles, and then she went and dyed it marin…”

“But they soon found out that Robert just wasn’t personable, which isn’t surpris…”

“I want to invent a What does it do? machine. “What does it do?” you’re probably…”

“Of all things possible, the impossible is the only one worth skipping sex for.”