Somebody took my bicycle tire, my bicycle seat, and both my pedals. They stole my whole unicycle!

“A brick could be held in one hand, and a stack of dollar bills in the other, to…”

“I want my time to be taken up by chores, errands, appointments, and arguments. …”

“If a woman asked me how far I’d go on a first date, my reply would be 69 miles.…”

“I’ll take away your disillusionment, and replace it with an illusion.”