Sometimes I feel like this. Sometimes I feel like that. I wish I could be more specific, but that’s how I feel—vague.

“I've never had cyber sex. My penis won't fit in the USB port. . . at least not …”

“My two parents represent the single greatest influence on my life. And if my da…”

“Before you enter politics, I pray you lose your anal virginity to a unicorn.”

“He was born after me, and he died before me. I gave him life, and I killed him.…”