Standing around making ten dollars an hour—that’s what they pay me the big bucks for.

“Bums are called bums because they sit on their ass all day.”

“I’m wearing my political mustache today. If you want to see it, you’ll find it …”

“I put the penis in happiness. I put it there, and I can pull it out too. (But w…”

“Dear Miss Hummingbird,
The leaves are turning green now, but not with envy. But…”