Sunny days are the perfect days to spy on people. Especially at night (offer only valid for residents of Alaska).

“She said “I love you,” and I said the only thing I could say: “How about every …”

“His voice was so gravelly I could drive a truck on it. And I would have, but I …”

“When congratulations are in order, I like to wait until they’re out of order to…”

“My legs are so skinny they’re like arms on a clock. And the stars are like 1-12…”