Taxes and Texas—they have the same letters, but only one can go to hell.

“Love is all around. I don’t need your leftovers, ma’am. Not unless you’re offer…”

“Please, allow me a moment to put my penis back where it belongs. I should never…”

“I can’t tell you how much I love kissing ass. Especially wealthy, cellulose-sti…”

“Last year, millions of students didn’t graduate from high school. They didn’t d…”