Thank God I don’t have a triangle-shaped asshole.

“Johnny Kickstand bullied me in middle school. Today, Kickstand stands 4’7” tall…”

“I couldn’t pay the prostitute, and that’s the truth. She could have asked my wi…”

“My penis, when inflated, does not qualify as a flotation device, no matter how …”

“Mustaches are so cool that I not only have one—I have two. I wear both of mine …”