Thank God I have enough skin to cover my entire body. But just barely. If my penis were a mere 2.54 centimeters longer, I wouldn’t have enough skin to cover every inch of my body.

“If I could build my own neighbors, I’d have no need to build a fence. I would t…”

“I like how volcanoes rumble before they erupt, as if to say, Get the hell off m…”

“I like cardboard. Of course, I have to be in the mood to eat Pizza Hut.”

“I’ll leave a note in the lobby that says, “Moved. 315.” You had a meeting with …”