The birds fly south for the winter not because it’s cold, but because they have wings. Similarly, love has the ultimate flight pattern, and that pattern is plaid.

“On your birthday you should throw me a party. This is my advice for everybody, …”

“You can’t help who your parents are or aren’t. My parents aren’t—they don’t exi…”

“I want to go back to weighing 165 pounds. Let me take off my clothes.”

“If I don’t clean off the bug corpses that are petrified on my bumper for looks,…”