The couch was wide enough for two, but I sat in it alone. Was I obese in body—or skinny in love?

“When bananas blush, they turn brown, not red. And when tomatoes blush, you’ve p…”

“If love were a color, it’d be transparent, like all women’s clothing should be.”

“How many midgets does it take to take over the world? I’m not sure, but I’d gue…”

“The Nike swoosh logo would make an interesting mustache—on a man who runs his m…”