The difference between you and everyone else, is everyone else. And that’s a lot, so you should feel special.

“I picked up the knife to cut the melon, and then smashed it with my fist instea…”

“Today you win, and tomorrow I’ll steal your trophy.”

“A blanket could be used as a sail for my self-esteem when I’m floating upstream…”

“A feather taped to a vibrator is a tickling machine to induce hunger, and NOT a…”