The fastest way to lose weight is to find religion and start fasting.

“Kick the blanket, don’t kick the bucket—especially if that bucket is full of de…”

“Before bed I do a bit of light reading. I’m reading a 50-pound book on midgets.”

“Standing around making ten dollars an hour—that’s what they pay me the big buck…”

“A blanket could be used to rob a bank. Guns are so Bonnie and Clyde, but a blan…”