The four legs of the chair never move, but what if the chair could run as fast as a cheetah? That would be one piece of leopard print furniture I’d love to sit on.

“Instead of putting a Band Aid on your cut finger, why not just amputate at the …”

“I don’t care about being cool. I just want to be loved by half the world (100% …”

“For your birthday I’ll give you 100 copies of your least favorite author’s book…”

“Throw a pair of Band-Aids over your eyelids, and open your eyes to your wounds.”