The morning always has a way of creeping up on me and peeking in my bedroom windows. The sunrise is such a pervert.

“I was able to preserve my integrity, in jars along with strawberries.”

“When you’re as ugly as I am, you need all the beauty sleep you can get. I’ll be…”

“I decided to eat my legal counsel, because at 200 bucks an hour it was either t…”

“When a writer has deep thoughts, I expect him to also have a deep voice. And if…”