The other day I found 20 dollars. It was just lying in a wallet I took from some guy’s pocket.

“A blanket could be used as a scapegoat. But I’d rather use real goats, because …”

“I’m older now, which I can’t help, but I’m also fatter, thanks to all the extra…”

“Before you enter politics, I pray you lose your anal virginity to a unicorn.”

“Life is made up of only one thing: the now. The past and the future could be co…”