The profit was five, split evenly between the two of us, which meant that my fair share was three. (2.5 rounded off is 3.)

“A blanket could be used instead of a blindfold when kidnapping someone. And the…”

“The word "sex" has no sex. It is androgynous and probably asexual. And even tho…”

“I invited my girlfriend over and made her dinner. I didn’t cook, but I did eat …”

“If I could change one thing about myself, I’d pick a new nose, because I’m tire…”