The proper response to “I love you” is never “what, when, where, why, and how,” no matter how sincerely you say it.

“I think the most romantic letter you ever gave me was “W,” because it’s a coupl…”

“If you could buy time, I would sell it. Yesterday would be expensive, and tomor…”

“I like being right more than I like keeping friends. Certainly this leaves me l…”

“To me, life is sad, like a piano with no pedals being played by a person with n…”