The sign on the side of the highway said “Shoulder Work,” and I thought, “I could go for a massage right now.” So I pulled over.

“My new mustache is barely big enough to cover my pubic region.”

“To me, love is either a pebble, a rock, or a boulder. Or a grain of sand, if yo…”

“The best thing to do with a seven-year-old is wait until they’re eight to tell …”

“She’s beautiful, but she’s also got brains. I’ll bet zombies would love to eat …”