The US has the highest incarceration rate in the world. I don’t want to release the prisoners—I want to lease them. If they’re not going to work, they might as well not work for me.

“You know what’s not funny? Funny bones. No, at best they are only mildly amusin…”

“I’m sure I look memorable in my tuxedo, and she looks gorgeous in her wedding g…”

“If you were to ask me what kind of musical sound I aspire to produce, that nois…”

“Writer’s block, I just drove around it four times. All my favorite writers live…”