The wisest thing my grandpa ever said to me before he died was "Stop!" Thinking back, I don't know if he was talking to me or the car that ran him over. I prefer to think he was talking to the car, because how could he be so foolish to try to talk to me, when I was busy driving the car.

“Art books are filled with interesting images. And that’s cool and all, but I lo…”

“I know it’s not your birthday, but would you like some birthday dick? It’s on s…”

“A blanket could be used to smother a fire—but not the fire that burns in my hea…”

“When I wear my confessional glove it’s super tempting to give myself a velvet h…”