There are whiskers in my soup, and my spoon smells like my cat’s ass.

“Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t love a man who wears an eye patch. For…”

“Used is to sued, as brick is to Kricb, and that is such a profound observation …”

“His name was Chase, so to make things interesting, I gave him a bit of a head s…”

“Nobody can make you feel ignorant but you—the you from before, the one who skip…”