There’s no room in my life for a woman. I mean I live in a closet, and I suppose I could squish my clothes over and she could squeeze in, but where is she supposed to put her clothes? And her shoes, what about her shoes?

“No, lady, you didn’t have sex with me, you had sex with my clone. I’m sorry, bu…”

“I want to take a sponge bath, but first I need to take that sponge and wash the…”

“I want to open a wheat/dairy factory. Bread and butter will be my bread and but…”

“If I were the color blue, and you were the color orange, I wouldn't want you ar…”